Picture this. You are sitting in a café, watching strangers pass by through the rain-speckled window. The man at the corner table stirs his coffee absentmindedly, lost in thought. The woman at the bar checks her phone with a quiet smile, perhaps reading a message from someone she loves. Each of these people is living a life as deep, complicated, and full of stories as your own. This moment of understanding has a name. It is called Sonder.
The term was popularised by writer John Koenig in The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows. He defined it as the sudden awareness that every passerby is the main character of their own story, with a life you may never know but which is every bit as intricate as yours. It is not an official dictionary word, but it has found its way into countless conversations because of how sharply it captures a feeling most of us have experienced but never quite put into words.
The Meaning Behind Sonder
Sonder is more than a poetic idea. It is a shift in perspective. We spend much of our lives seeing the world through our own lens, with ourselves as the central figure. Sonder interrupts that pattern and reminds us that we are all moving through a vast web of intersecting narratives.
When you feel it, the world becomes both bigger and smaller. Bigger because you realise the staggering number of lives unfolding all around you. Smaller because you sense that invisible threads connect us, even if we never speak. It is the kind of thought that can make you pause in the middle of an ordinary day, just to watch and wonder.
How Sonder Changes the Way You See the World
Experiencing Sonder can transform casual interactions. The barista is no longer just the person who makes your coffee. They might be an artist working late into the night, a student chasing a dream, or someone quietly navigating heartache. That impatient driver behind you could be rushing to see a loved one at the hospital. The couple laughing on the park bench may be sharing an inside joke built over years together.
When you embrace Sonder, empathy becomes second nature. You begin to see strangers not as background characters in your life, but as main characters in theirs. That awareness can make you softer, more patient, and more open to connection.
The Poetry and Philosophy of Sonder
There is something inherently romantic about Sonder, not in the sense of love stories, but in the way it frames humanity. It reminds us that we are all complex, layered beings. Every person you pass on the street has childhood memories, private dreams, heartbreaks, triumphs, and fears. We are all carrying invisible worlds inside us.
Philosophers have long explored similar ideas, from the interconnectedness of all human lives to the ripple effects of small actions. Sonder fits beautifully into this tradition. It is a modern term for an ancient truth - that we are all more alike than different, and our stories are constantly brushing against each other in ways we rarely notice.
Finding Sonder in Everyday Life
You do not need to travel the world or meet hundreds of people to feel Sonder. It can happen anywhere. Standing in line at the grocery store. Watching silhouettes in apartment windows at night. Sitting in traffic and glancing at the car beside you. It is about allowing yourself to notice, to imagine, and to appreciate the quiet magnitude of other lives.
Practising Sonder can be as simple as taking a moment to observe without judgment. Let curiosity replace assumption. Let wonder replace indifference. Over time, it becomes a habit that changes how you experience the world.
Why Sonder Matters
In a time when it is easy to feel isolated or divided, Sonder offers a gentle reminder that everyone is moving through challenges and joys you cannot see. It invites compassion and patience. It encourages listening. It makes the world feel richer, because you start to realise you are surrounded by endless stories, each unfolding alongside yours.
The next time you find yourself people-watching, let your mind wander into their possible worlds. Imagine their mornings, their dreams, their fears. It is not about inventing a perfect version of them, but about recognising the depth that exists in every human life. Sonder is the quiet, humbling truth that none of us are truly alone in our complexity.
